a realisation

Tuesday, 10 January 2017


Hand on heart, (some) these photos weren't meant to be posey at all- I managed to capture them whilst I was actually laughing. I have no idea as to what I was laughing at but it seems to have been pretty funny.

So, I seemed to have had a moment where all the unclarity and haziness in my mind just lifted. The quote "realising stuff" has never made so much sense in my life. One usually does have such thoughts and mini epiphanies at 4am in the morning, I can't lie but after battling months of this mental ambiguity it was just like everything calmed down, those torrential rains slowing down into a rhythmic pitter patter and violent waves settling to smooth, lightly crashing waves caressing the cliffside. Oh so poetic. After experiencing months of A-levels and finally becoming a cog in the machine (with the machine being sixth form) immense amounts of pressure has been exerted onto me. I no longer read books for leisure but instead, to be able to have enough knowledge on the plot, characters and themes in order to write a substantial essay. I no longer research aspects of history that genuinely interest me, only those that interest my courses exam board. I no longer learn spanish vocabulary for the sake of satisfying my weird hispanophile tendencies, but to satisfy my spanish exam paper. You get the gist. But, why must we do things solely for the sake of school? Why do our institutions demand we remove anything that interests us that isn't remotely related to your course? All these things we genuinely want to do are so crucial when it comes to self-growth and self-love and surely learning the lesson of those two is far more important than learning about the first battle of St Albans or the structure of a triglyceride. We need to start doing things for ourselves and not for others, more specifically our exam boards. Every lesson I attend usually includes the phrase "the exam board demands you say ____" or "examiners will mark you up if ____ is included in your answer" We need to create things, not just utilise things being created for us.

Writing is a thing I enjoy so much, whether that be writing about history or something like an outfit on here, it has always been something that I have done and will continue to do. Write something. Anything. Free write if you're stuck, even if you keep repeating "I don't know what to write" ten times you will eventually come up with something. This is something my year 7-8 English teacher taught me and I vividly remember sitting in his lesson and him dedicating 15 minutes to this magical art of 'free writing'. Although a class of thirty eleven year olds moaned at him, we still did it and it worked. After a while you can just hear the disparity of each individuals brain just 'click' and the sound of frantic scribbling arises shortly after, with people racing to scrawl their ideas down before they "got away". Fun fact: this blog was created by 12 y/o me with the intention of free-writing here instead of having to handwrite it out because of sheer laziness and it eventually spindled into a beauty blog.

It's crucial to find your passion and stick to it like water molecules stick to their fellow water molecules, cohere to it just like they do. (a bit of biological/chemical background just to make the analogy work: well water molecules hydrogen bond with each other, the delta positive hydrogen atoms form hydrogen bonds with the delta negative oxygen atoms of other water molecules and as water is one of the most abundant molecules in the world, one can only imagine how vast these h-bonds are. and vastness = strength.) You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. I'm definitely not the best writer nor the most well articulated there is either, yet I still do it. You don't have to be a skilled photographer who understands depth of field of aperture either in order to enjoy it. If you have the slightest of interest in something you might as well try it and if you love it then continue doing it until you can't take it no more (here's the catch, if you love something so much, you will never get sick of it.)

mid-laughter...this is terrifying
And now this is when I am going to address this 'thing' that has been flashing in my mind. I don't want to write about makeup. In fact I never liked writing about makeup. A conversation with one of my old friends a few weeks ago did inspire this, he mentioned that although my blog is great (thanks mate!) it's slightly generic and not unique to me, and I agree. I solely did it [wrote beauty posts] to "please" the blogging community. Generic content = more exposure. You're probably thinking I'm not a genuine blogger for only blogging about things for more 'views and comments' but when you're starting out as a newly teen blogger, you're still vulnerable, you still have to ease yourself in by just writing about all you've ever been exposed to and at the time I created my blog it was the during the pinnacle of beauty blogs. You're also probably thinking "she doesn't even go here" "you're not even a beauty blogger"- and you're right, I'm not. But the way in which I've been writing the majority of my posts in the previous years has been modified and repackaged (yes I did just quote the function of the golgi apparatus) into a mould that is what "fits" the blogger ideal. From now on, I am going to write about whatever I want without the thought of pleasing the blogging community shifting into my mind. I am going to create things that I want to create, whether that be: blog posts, photography, short-films or illustrations. I will do what I want to do. Although I may lose followers or readers, I really don't care anymore. I'm sick of writing fake content that isn't representative of my full capability because believe it or not, there's a lot of intellect in here that just isn't able to be displayed through any medium because of expectations and premeditated judgements. I believe that when I truly begin to publish content that I like, my blog will continue to flourish even more. Not because I expect more people to read, share and follow my blog but because my space will be a space that is truly evocative of me as an individual and the age old quote of "be yourself" will be properly enforced and will shine through.

And when this really happens, perhaps I will really reach the level of happiness displayed in the first few photos.

How long winded.
-Dalal

ps: just because I say I want my blog to be a reflection of me, it doesn't mean that beauty and fashion posts aren't going to be on here. I still enjoy writing about both, but perhaps in a way that is more 'me'. I still love writing about fashion and I am looking to incorporate more posts regarding my personal style- it's the typical beauty/makeup posts I'm not really into but as I said, if I have a product I've been hyping up or a new makeup routine, I will share it of course. Don't think that just because my blog is "changing" it won't include things I previously write about. This isn't a total reformation, just a few reforms ;)

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28 comments :

  1. Wow just wow Dalal. What can I say, this is such an unbelievabley well written post and I can tell just how much thought went into it. I'm proud of myself for remembering the AS chemistry after disliking it so much last year. I hate the way how A levels change things so that you can no longer do things for fun. I've tried not to let it interfere with my maths, maths goes way beyond the classroom, and I'm always eager to find out what's out there. I'm not going to let the exam board take one of my biggest passions away from me. I'm really happy your starting to realise what kind of blogger you're becoming. I love your style of writing which is one of the reasons I love your blog so much. Finally, I love them photos of you, photos when you are laughing are so natural and show your true happiness, they're just great. Sorry for the long comment, but this post made me think about things a lot.
    Katie xx

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    1. Thank youuuu so much! I agree, it's so rubbish when the fun is taken out of something you love :( Although I doubt anything can get between you and maths, you freakin love that subject!

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  2. I literally don't even know where to start. This is the best post I've read this year, you're spilling your heart out and being so genuine and honest. From talking to and getting to know you it's clear you're very intelligent and creative. I can really relate to being pressured to write content that fits your ideal reader or whatever, but I'm very excited to see what's to come to this blog and I'm very proud. Just well done, for being an amazing blogger, and an amazing friend.

    Edie x
    thelifeofedie.com

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    1. omg thanks so much- I'm so glad you liked this post ahh and I can't wait for you to see what's to come.

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  3. This is genuinely one of the best posts I have read, you're so genuine and honest it's incredible. I can definitely relate to the pressure of writing content that fits within a certain topic and being worried about straying and losing readers. I am excited to see what more incredible content is to come in the future!!
    Hollie xx
    hollliethorpe.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. I am so proud of you dalal for this post your very brave for doing something like this. Im sure whatever you post next will good your writings always been good.

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  5. Very well worded!I totally agree!

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  6. Wow this is such an amazing post! I was in the exact same place as you are last year with Sixth Form which resulted in me taking a gap year to gather my thoughts and think about what I wanted to do that would make me genuinely happy. It's so incredible to read a post that is 100% authentic and purely your thoughts, thank you so much for sharing!

    Amy x
    www.theauburnagenda.com

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    1. Thank you- a gap year would be so great right now...

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  7. Aw, you look so pretty in those pictures! I actually love this post, it's so well written and honestly one of the best post's i've read today. Stay blessed! x

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  8. I just found you BUT DEAR GOD I LOVE YOU. I can relate so strongly to your message here - especially hating writing about makeup. Dear god, i HATE writing about makeup. I think your blog is a space for you to create and it should be unique to you. definitely following! x

    mia // https://okaaythen.com

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    1. WELCOME AND THANKS FOR THE LOVE, writing about makeup is just so tedious grrrr

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  9. This post is so so so amazing!! You write it so well and I will definitely be reading your blog frequently!! I think it's so important to blog about what you want to, my blog is only small so O do only do posts that I feel like as i know that only random people come and look at my blog so I am not that bothered. Although I do love a good ramble about makeup, I definitely agree with you!! Also you are so stunning in them pictures!!
    Kate Xx
    http://luxekate.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

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    1. Thank you! As you're starting out I would definitely recommend just staying true to yourself right now :) good luck

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  10. Beautifully written Dalal, as per, I strongly agree with what you are addressing in this post! Blogging is so much more than the latest beauty products and must have luxury items, it's a place where keen writers can freely express their passions. It is a shame that generic content equates to more exposure. Perhaps 2017 is the year for change?

    Fran | franciscarockey.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you Fran. It definitely is, I want it to be a platform where I can just have fun with what I'm doing and hopefully it will by the end of the year

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  11. Dalal I think this may be the best blog post I've ever read. Like holy shit you write well. I still post beauty here and there because I want to tell people about switching to cruelty free. I want to blog for a cause that I care about and not just blog because I think people will like it. Recently, I've changed a lot of the things that I'm blogging about and I am slowly become that laughing person in your pics. Cannot wait to see your new content gal

    eleanorclaudie.com

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    1. Damn that's pretty big to say but thanks, I feel honoured. yeah I've definitely seen a shift in you content which isn't a bad thing but it's clear that you're writing about what you want which is great :)

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  12. Ah Dalal! I want to write a good comment but cant really phrase my thoughts but this post was just so lovely (also you look adorable laughing) and was so nice to read. Also about english, I felt like that last year too, but this year I just find it so much more fun, I think it really depends what book you're studying but I hope you being to enjoy alevels more! And ah this was just such a good post Dalal :)x
    constantlylibby.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Libby- english lit is such a tough one...I love reading but the when you're forced to analyse every bit of the book, it can get a bit meh but I get what you mean.

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  13. THIS IS SUCH A LOGELY POST <3 Finding it hard to put my thoughts into words but basically I just love love love the way you write its so lovely to read!!
    LOOOvve xx
    sofia
    www.lifefromsofia.blogspot.com

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  14. Love this post Dalal! I think too often, in life and not just blogging, we try to do and be what we think others want us to be. The best blogs are the ones where you can tell the person behind it is authentic - we're all guilty of producing content that we think might be 'popular' sometimes but blogging is much more fun if you write what YOU want to write about :)

    Gorgeous photos by the way! x

    Sick Chick Chic

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    1. Thanks for reading! All very true points :)

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